Social anxiety might suffocate you with the thought that you are living inside your head and all that you do, say and fail to communicate with others is a show. In the case of those who cannot cope with it, routine activities such as offending coffee, establishing eye contact, and participating in conversations can cause a storm of uncertainty and fear. In the view of a therapist, social anxiety is not simply an extremely strong shyness, but it is an emotionally intricate state which changes the way someone perceives him/herself in respect to others. But fortunately the good news is that it can be dealt with and with time even be converted into confidence.
We are going to examine in this article what social anxiety would appear like, how it would feel on the inside, and above all therapeutic solutions that can be incorporated in order to shake off its hold.
It is important to comprehend the Causes of Social Anxiety
Social anxiety usually begins in an insidious manner perhaps due to only one humiliating childhood incident; a critical parent or constant fear of being judged. This brain learns to make the connection between the social environment and harm as time goes by. This is the state of survival that makes adrenaline rush released that accelerates heart rate and puts the mind on high alert of danger such as saying the wrong thing or being laughed at.
Contrary to introversion that is a character trait, social anxiety is caused by fear. It is also not the issue of liking loneliness but rather the unwillingness to feel uncomfortable and humiliated. Clients report a constant fear of negative and judgement of them, and as a consequence, the worker may avoid attending parties, or calls, or remain silent in meetings.
Social anxiety flourishes in anticipation such as what can happen, what other people will think. This fear of anticipation becomes a cycle: the more the situations get avoided; the more powerful the fear gets.
Understanding the Symptoms: It Is not all in the Head
In the clinical perspective, social anxiety impacts both the mind and the body. A lot of individuals undergo:
- For days and weeks, there is intense worry before any social event.
- Sweating, heart palpitations, feeling nauseated are the physical symptoms which can be seen.
- A lot of rumination is observed after interacting with someone, replaying them in our own head and there is also a pattern of criticizing self.
- Avoiding any/every event where there can be a spotlight over them.
- People have a hard time communicating, even around familiar people. They experience a lot of discomfort.
All the above mentioned symptoms are quite discomforting and are very real. Speaking from a therapist perspective, it’s important to validate them because it’s the first step towards dealing with them. Our brain is like a protecting organ, all the symptoms that we experience are our brain’s way of protecting us. Here you are not weak or exaggerating. It’s just your brain’s way to protect you.
Therapeutic techniques for social anxiety-
A therapist who helps people with social anxiety doesn’t aim at changing them who they are or them into discomforting situations. Rather our job as therapists is to help them with tools that can help people with social anxiety face their fears very gently and step by step, help them identify their unhelpful or negative thoughts thereby helping them develop a kinder relationship with themselves. Throughout their therapy journey, people overcome their fears, become more self aware.
Below are certain techniques that can help people with social anxiety.
Silencing the harsh inner critic, reframing negative thoughts-
There is a loop of critical thoughts that keep playing in the mind of people with social anxiety like- everyone is judging me, or that I am stupid or I’ll do something embarrassing. These negative thoughts are often untrue and can be exaggerated however they feel very true, real and quite discomforting.
Cognitive restructuring is a technique that can help people identify these negative or unhelpful thoughts and replace them with helpful ones. For example instead of thinking – everyone saw how awkward I was replacing this with I felt awkward however most people are focused on themselves and do not judge others.
Through online therapy, I often recommend people to maintain a journey where they can keep a track of their thoughts before and after they attend any social event. This not only makes people more aware about their thoughts but also helps them identify a pattern in them and this can be gently tapped into with a lot of compassion and logic. Over some time our mind learns to respond to situations quite differently.
Systematic Exposure: Stepping out of Fears Step by Step
Avoidance is one of the largest pitfalls of social anxiety. The less we face things that give us anxiety, the more frightening it will become. That is why gradual exposure is such a strong thing, as it is small but small steps to get closer to things they fear.
It does not mean that you have to begin with a presentation or go to a party. It could start with greeting a person in an elevator or calling someone up in a short conversation. These little steps, done with time, can reduce the level of fear response and the brain be left to understand that the situation is not as threatening as perceived.
When doing therapy, we create what we refer to as an exposure ladder, and it starts with the situations that are not so difficult and advances upwards. Every step that we take is small but the progress is celebrated.
Breath and Mindfulness
Racing heart, tight chest, shaky hands are all the signals that your body is moving to fight or flight. That is where breath work and mindfulness can be of great assistance.
Even easy breathing such as box breathing (breathing in 4 seconds, hold, (4 again), breathing out 4 seconds, hold (4 again)) can help to quiet the nervous system, in the moment. Mindfulness will make you stop dwelling in the past about what could go wrong.
When these techniques are practiced daily then you can manage to remain grounded even when you are under stress. Clients always inform me that learning to breathe through the anxiety gives them a better feeling that they are in charge of the situation and not overwhelmed any more.
Loving-Kindness to Self: Transforming Self-Judgment to Self-Compassion
Many social anxiety sufferers are very self critical. They may believe that they are unlikable, boring, or simply insufficient. The ideas are usually based on the experiences of the past, such as becoming condemned, disregarded, or dismissed.
In treatment we do self-compassion practice. It entails how to be kind to yourself like you would be to one of your best buddies.
Bringing about a change overnight is not possible however gradually people learn how to be kind to themselves and talk to them compassionately. The new inner dialogue affects them significantly, in terms of their feelings as well as in terms of their relationships with others.
Communication and Relationships: Connection as the Building of Confidence
Social anxiety usually causes isolation, yet the very thing that can help cure it, is human connection. A part of getting out of anxiety is to gradually re-enter the relationships, particularly those in which we feel safe and accepted.
During the sessions, we learn to communicate, beginning with initiating the conversations and creating the boundaries up to saying no and requesting assistance. We may engage in role-play to prepare ourselves in developing some confidence prior to the real-life application.
When clients improve on their communication and begin to establish more positive social interactions, they start to believe that they are able and worthy of desirable connections. Having such a belief is very cathartic.
When You Have to Take a Step to Seek Professional Help
As much as self-help can be helpful, therapy offers a formal platform where more work can be done. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is especially effective to treat social anxiety, though other techniques, such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) or psychodynamic techniques may be just as helpful to the individual.
In a few situations, where the anxiety is severe and is truly impacting everyday life then medication may be an option. It can assist given that it is not a cure; it has to be combined with therapy.
When you notice that social anxiety starts interfering with your work, or the functioning of your relationships as well as your general well-being, professional help will be a very effective step. It has nothing to do with being weak; it is the choice of growing and healing.
To conclude,
Social anxiety isn’t a defining factor of your life. With the help of tools, self work it’s possible to work upon it gently and move towards confidence, healing. Changes here are gradual however with every step one takes, it’s a step forward towards their healing journey.