You’ll undoubtedly concur with me when I say that having a bitter attitude is a sure-fire way to lead a miserable existence. Although there are several phases and varieties of bitterness, it usually begins with rage or emotional pain. I’ve travelled that route, and I’m glad to report that there is an end to all bitterness. In fact, the best method to start healing your emotional pain is just to recognise that you are becoming bitter.
Conflict in life is inevitable, whether it arises between friends or family. It can cause resentments and animosity to fester if it isn’t resolved. We’ve contacted eight professionals for their advice on overcoming bitterness and resentment in order to assist you get over these painful feelings. This is how it goes down. When you desire something or someone, you pursue it. Then an unfavourable event—a failure, a disappointment, a setback, or possibly a breakup—happens, and you place the blame elsewhere. Such as your ex. you parents, perhaps. Or you simply blame life for being miserable right now. Anger comes first. Then bitterness follows the anger.
Bitter is what? It involves your thoughts, feelings, and actions toward other people. Most frequently, it involves speaking harshly to others, harbouring ill will, or feeling sorry for one. Getting into arguments merely to be hostile or acting spitefully and vindictively are other examples. It frequently involves a great deal of bitterness and a sense that life is unfair. And resentment taints everything.
Thankfully, it normally goes away with time and distance. Bitterness, though, might prevent you from going ahead and healing if it is too powerful or last for too long. You may find it extremely challenging to maintain rewarding, positive relationships, friendships, and experiences as a result.
Causes of bitterness
There are many causes for people to harbour resentment and let it fester. Among them are the following:
- Not forgiving someone and keeping a grudge.
- Negative thinking is caused by not forgiving oneself and enabling guilt and shame.
- Feeling perpetually angry or let down by people.
- Having a strict, all-or-nothing mindset that produces a pessimistic worldview
- Being pessimistic and believing that things will never improve
- Having a sense of helplessness and lack of control over life.
- Delaying your happiness till you achieve a certain objective or result.
- Believing that one mistake or failure equates to your whole failure.
- Experiencing nothing to be grateful for.
Steps to overcome feeling bitter
Get rid of resentment
Losing grudges is a necessary step in overcoming bitterness and anger. Being unable to express one’s displeasure in a forthright way leads to holding grudges. People who have quite strict personality patterns tend to harbour grudges. In psychology, rigidity is regarded as detrimental.
Holding onto resentments puts a crucial relationship at danger.
Losing the connection is the most obvious consequence of harbouring resentment. The people who mean the most to us frequently make us feel the most wounded and angry. You run the risk of losing an important relationship, not just a tiny one.
Practice expressing your hurt and anger in words that go straight to the root.
Describe what he did that upset and harmed you. True friends will take the time to listen to you and care about your feelings. The bond that binds people and relationships together is communication. The majority of people also require a physical release of their aggressive urges. Take a kickboxing class, hit a handball against your garage door, beat a punching bag, or simply lock yourself in the bathroom and yell until you pass out!
Determine your goals.
Determine the source of your resentment. What did they not do that you anticipated them to accomplish?
Think about your expectations.
Would the common person describe your expectations as reasonable? It is reasonable to anticipate that a driver will stop at a stop sign. Expecting someone to do what you think without first telling them isn’t really fair.
Adapt these anticipations
Work to adjust your expectations if you find they aren’t reasonable. You might need to discuss your expectations with the other person if they are reasonable.
Forgive
The outcome of holding onto resentment and refusing to forgive is bitterness. When someone offends us, we harbour our hurt, pain, etc. This sorrow and hurt gradually undermine who we are, and we start to become resentful. The best approach to overcome resentment is to extend forgiveness. Avoiding repercussions is not the goal of forgiveness. It’s not about them apologising.
Recognize how hurt we were.
Consider what offended you. What about that circumstance particularly affected you? What personal principles were violated or threatened? Why do you believe that such principles are crucial? You must deal with this fundamental issue if you want to forgive.
Choose to let go.
Decide that while you won’t keep on to the sorrow and hurt, you will protect yourself from it in the future.
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